Guilt at Midnight
by bass-rage
Summary: Immortal guilt is powerful


Guilt at Midnight

By Richelle Davison

She gently closes the door as silent as possible behind her. She then slowly crept down the old apartment stairs and out the entrance door. As she stuffed her hands in her coat pockets she let out a sigh. Not a sigh of relief but of guilt. Not the kind of guilt you get when you disappoint a parent or friend but the kind of guilt you get when you let yourself down.

Even though it was close to midnight there were still cars and pedestrians roaming the streets. Only the few coffee shops and bars hung their open signs for the usual light sleepers. The occasional truck driver here and there but that was all.

As I turned into the familiar empty parking lot I took a deep breath and strayed across. I walked behind the building and looked over my shoulder to make sure no one was around. I took in another deep breath and started to undress. Once fully exposed I gripped the wall and prepared myself for what was to happen next. My dark red hair falling over my shoulders and my vivid green eyes clenched tight. And then it started.

I let out a faint whimper. Loud but not loud enough for anyone to notice. And soon my slender waist was deforming, my elegant hands soon paws and my once hairless back matted with soft red fur. Once the process was finished I waited for a moment to catch my breath. How much longer do I half to do this? I thought in my head. And as if in reply to my silent question a rustle in the bushes. My head shot towards the sound. My ears were perked high and nose atwitch I slowly got up onto all fours. Then saving myself from pouncing a squirrel popping out of the bushes I dug my claws into the soft soil. I brushed off the fact I was hungry and made my way out of the parking lot. It was dark but nothing that my wolf senses couldn't handle. I mean after all, I am a werewolf.

That night I crept through the alleyways, disguised by the dancing shadows. The clicking of my paws against the damp pavement echoed through out the ally. My eyes glistening with a determination, I slowly make my way to the end of the ally. Nothing but my muzzle peeked out from the corner. I take a quick look around and make my way across the street. At the other side is a park. A wide-open park bordered by tall trees. Tall enough trees that people couldn't look through. That was what made my heart skip a beat. The thought of being free. The type of freedom where no one can interrupt. I raced into the park. It's damp grass splashing against my paws. My heart rate quickened. The thought of having to leave before morning arose ached inside my skull but I quickly whipped it away and raced faster.

It had been like this for nearly two years now. My maker simply bit me and ran away not knowing what to do. All I knew about him was I hated him. That I would hunt him down for making me what I am today. All I knew was he would regret it. For two whole years I had been this way. At first I was scared but after awhile I knew I couldn't stay scared. It would have been against my new nature. Sure I kept right on living my so-called life but it was never the same. I came from a different family. My mother had dyed when I was seven and after that she left me with my child molester stepfather. Well meanness to say he thought it was my fault my mother had dyed and I spent two months with him until he committed suicide. Then it was off to the orphanage for me. Well that lasted until I was 15 when I ran away. I managed to make it until well you guessed it, I was bitten. Bitten at the age of fifteen really changed me and here I was today. 18 and cursed by the devil himself.

Passing motionless swing sets abandoned benches and wet sandboxes I raced faster and faster. My scences tuning into everything around them. The smell of motor oil and body odor, the sound of hurrying cars, the feeling of damp grass beneath my paws and finally my mother moon hanging above shedding her light down on me. Yes, it felt so right. But when it came to hunger and careless hunts the city of New York was NOT the place. But at that moment nothing could stop me from doing what I was about to do. Without hesitation I let out a death-chilling howl that echoed through out the park. My head arched to the moon I watched my breath rise from my mouth as I howled. Finally I was finished. My eyes darted around trying to figure out what to do next but before I could decide I was returned with another howl. At first I thought it was my imagination. But as I listened I knew something I never thought possible. Another werewolf. Sure, one would have thought a dog howl or something but I knew, I could tell. As I stood there on that cold April night, I realized for once in my life, right there in down town New York, that I was not alone. There was another werewolf in town.

A rush of excitement and fear all at once paraded through me. What was I suppose-to think? I wouldn't run. I had too much pride for that. It only took a second for me to understand what I had to do. I had to find this other werewolf. I released one more howl and took off. My nostrils flaring as I darted in the direction I last herd the other howl. My ears pointed forward and my eyes wide. My heart was racing with agitation as I passed blurred objects. Before long I entered a clearing and my legs edged to a stop. My green eyes scanned the clearing over. I looked over my shoulder and when I looked back in the clearing there I saw it, another werewolf. Its fur was a jet black and in hidden beneath the blackness of the night I could see its ice blue eyes staring back at me. Then without notice, it drew its head back with a howl. A strange sensation swept over me and with out realizing it I also drew back my head with a howl. Together we bayed to the moon. We were 15 feet apart but we knew eachother brought peace. Once I drew my head back down I stared at the other werewolf. We both knew what eachother was and accepted it. We both knew what the other had been through without even knowing them. So when the raven hared werewolf left the clearing I knew this was where I would be tomorrow night.

I woke to the bright light shining through my apartment window. I sat up in my tangled sheets and adjusted my eyes. I let out a yon and stretched. Suddenly images of the wolf from last night flashed through my mind. I rubbed my head and climbed out of the messed up bed. I opened my bedroom door and a rush of odor hit me like a tone of bricks. My hands shot to my face as I slowly crept down the narrow hall. The massive odor was coming from the living room as I peered around the corner I saw my roommate's boyfriend passed out on the couch. The stench I could smell was filled with alcohol, sweat and cheap perfume.

A werewolf's sense of smell was stronger than any creatures. Hell, most werewolves don't live in cities because of it. Along with a werewolf's sense of site, hearing and taste the sense of smell would enhanced with age.

"Bryan get off my fucking couch." I hissed as I shoved his legs over and turned on the TV. Getting nothing but a pissed off moan I shoved him off the couch. "That's what you get for drinking all bloody night, a hangover." "Fuck, what do you do stock me?" came another moan as he sat up rubbing his head. "No I can smell it on you." I laughed. "What else do you know?" He mocked sitting on the couch. "That you were out with another girl other than Amy. Perfume. Amy doesn't were perfume. You should know that." Bryan's face shot up and was now staring directly at me. Before he could say anything Amy walked in with her usual smile. "Good morning, Bryan what are you doing here, you said you weren't coming back till Thursday. Its Sunday." She smiled as she sat between us. "I got back early, thought I'd say hi." He said kissing her. "Well, I better get to work, I'm gunna be late." I smiled a fake smile and went to my room to slip on a pair of jeans and a navy green T. Before opening the door I grabbed my cell and jacket. "Well, do you need the car today? I don't need it so you can take it today if you want." Amy asked before I shut the door. "Nope, I can walk." Then without listening to her next response I shut the door and headed to the elevator.

I pushed the elevator button about 20 times before it responded. I walked in and waited. Man did I need to get out of there. Two minuets later the elevator door opened and I walked out into the hall and through the entrance door. As I stepped onto the pavement and headed down the sidewalk I listened to everything around me, not that I could have helped it. The sound of traffic as it passed, the tapping of peoples feet against the ground. Yes, it was like this all the time. Life in the city.

As I turned the corner I suddenly bumped into a man and dropped my things. As I looked up in apology I stared back into deep ice blue eyes. He was a man looking about twenty with dark raven hair. "Oh my I'm sorry miss-." He was stopped as he helped me up. We both stood there in great shock. I knew who he was. He knew who I was. Our eyes were locked and it wasn't until the loud honk of a horn that I came back to reality. "Uh, this would be yours." He said as he handed me my cell. "Oh, thank you." I managed to mumble as I dusted myself off. "Uh, my name is Nick Conner." He smiled handing me the cell. "Lydia Miller." I smiled trying not to get lost in his deep eyes. "Pleased to meet you." He laughed as we shook hands. But as we shook I felt the hair on my arms stand on end. For another moment we just stood there not sure what to do. Then out of no where my watch beeped. "Shit, I'm late!" I shot with panic. My eyes darted to Nicks Ocean like eyes. "I'm really sorry, I'm late for work." My brain screamed for me to get out of there but my heart ached for me to stay. Eventually I tore my legs from the pavement and started walking. Before I could get less than 2 feet away Nick rushed to my side. "Uh, could we meet again, I mean it doesn't have to be that same way, I could take you out to dinner, we could-." Before he could finish I turned on my heel and came face to face with him. "Yes. The answer is yes." I smiled unsure of what it was that came out of my mouth. Nicks face also tightened into a smile of satisfaction "I'll pick you up at 7." With that we parted and for once I was smileing the whole way to work.

I worked as a writer for the paper. Not something I enjoyed but something I was exquisitely great at. I arrived around one thirty when I should have been there at one. I snuck into my office booth and just when I thought no one had noticed me there came my boss, Todd James.

"Lydia Miller, late again I see." Came his mocking voice I hated so much. "Mr. James, so nice to-." "Get to work." He hissed and walked away. "Asshole." I mumbled. "I herd that!" He hissed from the distance. I rolled my eyes and turned the computer on.

It wasn't long that I began to get became hypnotized into my work. Its what happened each time. I'd get pissed off with my boss, wonder why I was still working there and get so into my work that Id lose track of time. It was 6:48 when I looked at the clock. "Shit!" I cursed and ran out of there as fast as I could. My apartment was about two blocks away from work so I got there at about 6:56 considering I was running. I struggled with the key to the apartment but eventually got it. I ran to my room and threw open the closet doors. Then it came to me. What the hell am I suposto where? Do I even own a dress? Have I ever even worn a dress before? These questions raced through my mind. Then I remembered. Amy was perfect for this kind of a situation. "AMY! I NEED HELP!" I yelled and before I knew it Amy was at my side. She looked as if she had just been sleeping. "What, what is it?" She panicked sweat dripping down he face. "I need a dress, I have a date, I need serious help!" I looked at her with plead. She smiled and walked me into her room.

"He's here, he's here!" Amy screamed as she finished the final touches of my hair and raced to the door. I took one more glance at the mirror and rushed out. When I walked into the living room I managed to stumble a bit but other than that, wearing a dress was going great. As I walked in my gaze went to those familiar icy eyes. He stared back at me as if lost in a trance. I wore a black dress that went down a little past my knees. My hair was up for the first time in ages and I actually wore make up for the first time ever.

Nick wore a black dress shirt with black pants. He looked so handsome. "Lydia…" Nick struggled with the words. "You look beautiful." He finally got out. I blushed. Wait a second. I blushed? I never blush. "Well, shall we?" he asked offering his arm. I accepted and before I knew we were walking down the sidewalk. "So tell me a bit about yourself." I said moving my attention to his eyes again. "Well, my mother and father dyed in a fire when I was 10, I have one brother, I hate the city and I have no idea what time it is." He looked at me and laughed. "Lol, OK mister smart guy, so where did you go after your parents accident, tell me about your brother and why are you living in the city if you hate it so much?" I laughed back as we sat on a bench. "OK, well I was found by a strange man, my brother is two years older than me and the only reason I live in the city is because that's were my family is." Nick said as he looked out onto the street as if searching for something. "You were found by a strange man? Tell me more?" I said unsure where it was this was going. "Why do you ask so many question?" he asked staring into my eyes now. "Why do you answer so many questions?" I whispered staring back. We both started laughing. "So where would you like to eat?" He asked standing again. "Doesn't matter to me." I said also standing.

About an hour later were on our way out of the restaurant we chose and were crossing the street when I realized my urge to change.

The urge came about once or twice a week depending on how long it had been since the last change. If I tried resisting it the more it hurt and the stronger the urge became. The other night I had changed for an hour when it should have been longer. Now I was paying for it.

It wasn't long before I realized where we were going next. The wooded park from the other night. As we walked I looked at Nick and back to the park. "Uh, where are we going?" I asked trying not to sound concerned. "You'll see." He smiled and kept on walking. Soon enough we entered a clearing. Then it came to me. This was the clearing from last night. I stared up at Nick in confusion. Sure I knew he was the werewolf from the other night but why would he bring me here? We stopped in the middle of the clearing and Nick looked deep into my eyes as he held my hands. As I stared into his eyes the other night played in my head like a film over and over again. "You know who I am Lydia, you know what I am." Nick started as he lifted my hands to his face. I felt the softness of his skin as he placed my hand on his cheek. "I know what you are too Lydia." Nick whispered. My heart raced. Was I making a mistake? I wasn't cut out for this was I? "Lydia, you can live with me, with my brother and with the others. You don't have to be alone any more." He whispered looking deeper into my eyes as if trying to figure out what I would say. I was speechless, what could I say? "There are others and you can be part of the pack. We can live together. With the pack." Nick continued. My heart raced and I started to sweat. My eyes darted in every direction. "Lydia, just meet the pack, get to know us. Please." His eyes were pleading and tarring at me but I had to change, I couldn't think under this much pressure and with the change on the brink of beginning. "Lydia please, please say something. My eyes shot to him. My heart was pounding so hard. My brain screamed. "Lydia!" Nick stared at me. "I- I-." I couldn't get the words out. I had to change. I ran. I ran into the woods. Tree branches scrapped at me and tarred at Amy's dress. I couldn't tell if Nick was behind me or not. I tripped and all went black.

I woke to see Nick hovering above me. His lips were moving but I couldn't here anything coming out. Then I was gone again.

This time I woke in a room. A bright white room. My head shot up off of the pillow and a sharp pain forced through me. I let out a moan and placed my head back down. My eyes studyed the room. All that was in it was the bed and me. I glanced at the door. Where the hell am I? I though in my head. I slowly crawled out of the bed and made my way to the door. I quietly opened it and slipped through. When I slipped through I was in a fancy hall with a number of other doors. I crept down the hall to a staircase and tiptoed down. When I reached the bottom I was in a sitting room area. All I knew was who ever owned this place was stinking rich. As I drooled over the paintings a hand was placed on my shoulder. I jumped at least two feet. I turned to see a man in his 30's with dark brown hair. His eyes were a gray color as if they changed in age. As I looked at him his eyes seemed so old as if they had seen so much through their lifetime. I struggled to figure out what to say. "Good afternoon Miss Miller I presume you slept well?" I just stared. "Yes of course, I am Adam Conner owner of this household." He introduced himself. "Adam Conner as in…Nick Conners father?" I asked even though it seemed obvious. "Yes, Nick is out with the rest of the pack on a run. They should be back any time now." Adam said looking at his watch. And just as he did this a group walked through the door. The only one I recognized was Nick. When I saw him my heart sighed in relief. Everyone was loud until they saw me. "Lydia, your awake." Nick said rushing to my side. "Oh, let me introduce everyone. The man in the red shirt, that is my brother David." Nick said pointing to a man that looked a lot like him except he had brown eyes and was taller than Nick. David walked over to me and shook my hand. "Nice to meet you Lydia." He smiled. "The man in the blue shirt that's Andy, his specialty is computers." A man with light brown hair and glasses walked up to me and also shook my hand. "Very pleased to finally meet you Lydia." He was a bit shorter that Nick but around the same height as me. "The man in gray is Drew, all he's good for is ordering pizza and picking up girls." A man with blonde hair just at his shoulders walked up to me and kissed my hand "A pleasure." He smiled and walked over to the others. "The other one in blue is Aaron, he's Adams brother so my uncle you could say." Nick said pointing to a man with dark silver hair and the same aging gray eyes as Adam. He shook my hand and took his place with the others. "Well that's basically it for the pack-." Nick was cut off by a shout. "NO, that's not all of the pack! Sure lets all forget about Kyle, he doesn't mean anything, fuck, no respect around here." A man shouted as he entered the room. He had black hair down to his shoulders and green eyes that were raging. "Oh, Kyle, you're back so soon?" David made a small laugh. "Didn't think I would find my clothes did you? You forgot one thing. I'm a werewolf too." Nick sighed and pointed to Kyle "That's Kyle, he has a major anger problem as you can tell, then again we don't help much either." Kyle looked at me then Nick and me again. "That's the girl? A lil young don't you think? Nicky?" Kyle said boring his eyes into Nick. "Not as young as your last one." Nick said staring back at Kyle. Kyle just stared. I could see the anger in his eyes, so full of hate. He looked at me before leaving the room. "Well now that that's over." Adam started as Kyle stormed out. "Lunch, I'm starved." Drew shouted as he made his way into the kitchen. Minuets later we all followed.

As every one was discussing god knows what Nick whispered to me "So what do you think about the family?" I looked at him with a smile "Their sweet." I laughed. Nick laughed too and started lapping on his glass with a spoon "Hey everyone, everyone, shut up I have something to suggest." Nick began "I think we should take Lydia on a run, she looks like she needs one. How about it? The whole family." Everyone went silent. "Only if Lydia is man enough?" David laughed. I shot him a glare. I would show them. Just because I was a girl didn't mean anything when it came to a run. I was used to running in the city; dodging trees would be nothing. "You're on." I smile dropping my fork.

"We own the forest here, infact it's our back yard. We own 200 acres of forest just to run in. Why we even have deer." Aaron was telling me as we all walked out the back door. "Think you'll get lost?" He asked. I looked up at him "Are you kidding? I dodge cars for a living, I'm sure I can handle trees." He laughed and put an arm around me. "Smart girl. I love your attitude, a true werewolf." He smiled and took off to change.

It wasn't long before I walked off to change myself. I chose I spot in a few trees and began the change. For some odd reason the change was quicker and less painful. Weather it was the area or not I liked it that way. When I was finished I headed off looking for the others. It wasn't long before I spotted Nick and David lying in the clearing waiting for the rest of us. I ran up to them and nipped at Nick's ear telling him I wanted to start. He nipped back but only stood up. Minuets later Adam Aaron and Kyle ran up to us and seconds after that Kyle and Andy followed. There were eight of us. Adam released a howl followed by the rest of us and we were off. I started off at the back of the pack not putting much energy into it yet. I wanted to tire them out first. Everyone was huddled in a group all running at top speed except for me. Nick quickly looked back at me and kept going. It was time. First I zoomed past Drew and Andy then it was David and Kyle. Then I raced past Aaron and Adam and soon past Nick. I was far ahead of the pack and they were shocked. I finally stopped in the middle of a clearing. And waited for the others. I watched as they slowed to a stop and looked at me in amusement. Nick raised his head in the air and howled. I joined him and soon the rest of the pack. I felt so alive. I could here everything around me, feel everyone around me and smell everyone around me. I felt like this was home. I felt acceptance. These wolves were my family.

Eventually we all headed back to the house. We were still in wolf form but we walked side by side. I headed into the area I last changed in and changed back to wolf form. When I was finished Nick met me as I walked out. "So how'd you like your first run with the pack?" He looked at me. I could tell he wanted me to stay. "I loved it." I smiled and we headed back.

When we arrived everyone was silent and looking at me. "Lydia, we want you to stay with the pack, to become a member. To be one of us." Adam finally said as I sat down with Nick. I looked from Adam to Nick to everyone else and back to Adam. "You want me to stay? But why?" I asked. That could have sounded a lot better. I thought in my bed. "Because for one we need our Pack to grow. For two we could use you. And finally because it would be safer for you." Aaron said before anyone else. I just stared at him. "Safer for me? What are you talking about I'm fine." I said looking back at Nick for support but I knew how much he wanted me to stay. "Lydia, you don't know it but others are after you." Nick said it this time. I just stared at him in shock. "Others? Why?" I asked now getting confused. "Because Lydia you are the only Female werewolf to ever exist." This time it was Andy to speech up. "Listen, It is rare for a human to survive a werewolf bite but somehow you survived. The werewolf jean is only passed onto the male children. There are approximately only 38 werewolves existing including you." Adam explained as he crossed his arms. I stared in disbelief. Nick placed his arm around me but I brushed it off and walked away.

I headed to the room I had woken up in. I shut the door and sat on the bed. About an hour later Nick came up to my room and sat on the end of the bed where I lay. "I'm sorry I put this on you. We're all sorry." He said placing his hand on my foot. "But you needed to know." I looked up at him. His eyes were full of that pleading shine. I looked away. "Lydia, I know how this is for you. I just want to help. Listen, you can leave whenever you want hell you can leave right now and you don't have to ever come back. But you need to know that if you go others will hunt you down. I can't imagine what they could do to you. But, If you stay…I would be greatly thankful and so would everyone in this house. You know this could be your real home." He looked out the window and back to me. "I'll leave you to decide. My rooms next to yours." He left the room silently. I stared at the door.

It was about midnight when I had finally decided. I opened my door and slowly crept to the one next to myn. It was dark but I could still see. I opened the door and slipped in. Nicks room was similar to myn except it had things in it. He lay on the bed sound asleep. I slowly crawled onto the bed beside him. His eyes shot open with confusion. I stared into his eyes and whispered "I've decided."

The next morning I woke in the same position as I had fallen asleep in. Right in Nick's arms. I tried to slip out of his arms but he woke. "And you're going where?" He mumbled with his eyes closed. "What, can I not get a glass of water with out having suspicions?" I laughed as I sat up. "No." Nick mumbled as he pulled me back down. "Too bad." I laughed and pulled away from Nick but he was up before I made it to the door. I opened the door and walked to the stairs. Once reaching the bottom I looked up to see Adam with his arms crossed patiently.

I looked from Adam to Nick and Adam again before speaking. "I think I've decided to stay." I said looking directly at Adam. A smile spread across his face and then myn. "You are now as of this moment part of this Pack and this family." Adam said shaking my hand. I looked over to where Nick was standing. He was looking at me with admiration and a streak of vain shinned through his eyes. I was now officially part of something. My body ached and a smile seeped through my lips. I was home.


End file.
